View from Upside Down

I have begun writing for Hair’s How again on a weekly basis, as well as in the printed version of their publication that go to salons nationwide. It seems incongruous, being a publication for salons and stylists, however they asked me to share my story last year, and begin blogging for them during my cancer experience. It was one of the first opportunities I had to pursue writing, which I’d always secretly dreamed of, and helped me process my breast cancer experience. The past 14 months have been all about boobies around here, so there’s plenty of material.

Please check out their site… I will continue to post the complete version of the blog post here, with an edited version on Hair’s How.

http://hot.hairshow.us/?id=articles&art=58

Lee and I have been going to a lot of what we call “high five” appointments with my medical team, where we meet with various Dr’s,  pat each other on the back for kicking cancer’s ass, say we’ll see each other in 3 months, and leave skipping.

I was not expecting “do you want another baby?” when we met with my Oncologist last week. This is the woman who told me six months ago, “Don’t think about it – just put it out of your head for a while.” I had happily followed her orders – I had enough to worry about, another child was quickly falling to the bottom of the list.  I stared blankly at the doctor, as Lee nodded his head vehemently.

Looking forward to tomorrow’s Relay for Life event at Algonquin High School. Have been busy back at work, and have been totally lame about posting… but I’m here to brag. Our team, The Crayon Box Heroes, is the top fundraising team! Now if I can only beat that sweet 65 year old Southborough Native and BC Survivor, Bea Ginga, as the top individual fundraiser. We see her all the time at the Spa in Southborough (Mauro’s diner), and I want bragging rights. I will gladly buy her breakfast next time I see her, if I take the top spot from her!!! Check it out…

If I’m not totally lame, I’ll post tomorrow night from the event…

http://relay.acsevents.org/site/TR?pg=entry&fr_id=39802&sso_auth_token=7dcfd3f66d7c9e955c1a26fe3609a30a1ef73e53.27067706.22257538

I’m sitting in my car at the edge of the golf course on a sunny day, windows down, sun-roof open, writing on my iPad. Something about this feels oddly like high school… except the car is not my shit box Chevette coup, and I have a car seat in the back. My iPad replaces a Trapper Keeper with “I love INXS” written across it, and it’s an 85* March day in Boston…

My last day of radiation treatment was last week. I looked forward to the official end of treatment, and even brought Lee in for a tour of the laser tag… I mean, radiation room. My radiologist wanted to hire him to work there, he was so excited by the technology… which I still don’t fully grasp.

I brought in a thank you card for my Radiation technicians my last day – having spent almost every day of the past six weeks with them, I felt I’d gotten to know them. The week after the Grammy’s, we listened to Adele… every day. By the end of treatment that week, I asked the ladies to switch up the soundtrack in the treatment room. I love Adele as much as anyone, but I couldn’t take it any longer. Now, whenever I hear Adele I think of Radiation. These are associations I won’t ever forget, and I felt the need to mark the passing of this milestone with a little love from Hallmark.

I’ve been running around since I returned to work, and haven’t had a chance to write, think, or process the fact that I’ve finished treatment. Wait… let me back up. I haven’t had a chance to process the fact that I a) had cancer, and b) am now a cancer survivor. The whole time you’re in treatment, you can only focus on your health, and getting better. Now that treatment is over, I’m back at work and life is getting busy again… I have little time to do the processing that I’d like to do! I miss my writing, and need to get serious about making time to write this all down. I know myself… I’ll forget the details, the little things that happened. And there’s soooo much more than what I’ve shared on this blog. If I look back ten years from now, and find that I’m no longer writing, or never went back to document those little things, I feel I may have missed the point, and not lived up to my second chance.

That last day of treatment, I walked past the front desk as I was leaving, and waived to the receptionists, as I did every day. Just as I was passing, they stopped me and came out from behind the desk.

“We have a graduation gift for you, congratulations!” they said, and both hugged me. I thanked them, from the bottom of my heart. I was SO GLAD to be done. As I walked out the front door into the abnormally warm March day, I began to sob. I ran through the parking lot, past the valet attendant, hoping he wouldn’t stare as I stumbled to my car. I’m sure he’s seen worse – it is the cancer center.

I got to my car, jumped in, and opened my present. Candies, nail polish, and a granola bar, all wrapped up with a raffia bow. I hugged my graduation gift and cried.

Throughout Radiation treatment, my skin is likely to get sunburned and sensitive, and it is recommended that I use all natural, fragrance free lotions during this time. So like a good patient, I purchased some all natural, Tom’s of Maine. I was amenable to the switch, having heard that the aluminum in other deoderants is linked to Alzheimers, and decided that all natural deoderant was a smart choice all around.

Continue reading Tom’s of Maine

This week is my last week home before beginning Radiation and returning to work. I’ve been feeling a little anxious about both, and have been in a deep funk all week. Lately I’ve been feeling very cancer-free, making every effort to take my body back, going so far as to go on a 21 day cleanse; free of caffeine, grains, red meat, alcohol and dairy. I’ve suprised myself with my ability to be so committed, now 13 days in (OK, I’ll admit to backsliding with a glass of wine, but three weeks is a long time!). It hasn’t been easy, but I feel great – not sick, like a girl with cancer. 

Continue reading 90’s Throwback

One of the things I love about Grace is her lack of personal space. I can get up in her face and cover her with kisses, and it doesn’t bother her. When she was a year old, we would do the “baby mind meld”, and she would press her forehead to mine. The child has not yet developed a need for personal space, and I love it.

Continue reading The Incredibly Shrinking Personal Space

Hairs How continues to post my blogs. You may have already read this post on my site, but if you havent seen the photos of my last chemo treatment, check it out. Looking at the photos less than two months later, it seems like chemo was a lifetime ago. Thanks to all my nursers, Drs, and friends at Beth Israel Deaconess!

http://hairshow.us/?id=articlesart=459idpage=tricia_s_blog_part_6

Cliche, but true – it’s always darkest before the dawn. My surgery was ten days ago; each day has gotten progressively better, but all told this has been the most difficult ten days, culminating four and a half months of challenging days.

My surgeon called tonight. Alway a momentus event, to get a call from a Dr after hours – either really good news, or really bad news. The last time it happened, it was to talk about my breast cancer diagnoses. I’m still processing that information. Tonight, it was to tell me that I’m cancer free. They got it all during the surgery – which was 8.5 hours long (2.5 hours longer than expected, due to the massive amount of, um, material – my DD’s went down with a fight).

What a fabulous Christmas present, right? Honestly though – I’m numb. I’m not sure what this means, other than I will not die from this breast cancer. Frankly, I didn’t realize I was afraid of that until this evening’s phone call. When I first met with my Oncologist, she told me “this will not kill you. A year from now, you will be sitting across from me, with hair on your head.” I believed her implicitly, it was what I needed to do to get through the next few months. But now, I KNOW it’s true. What do I do with that?