90’s Throwback

This week is my last week home before beginning Radiation and returning to work. I’ve been feeling a little anxious about both, and have been in a deep funk all week. Lately I’ve been feeling very cancer-free, making every effort to take my body back, going so far as to go on a 21 day cleanse; free of caffeine, grains, red meat, alcohol and dairy. I’ve suprised myself with my ability to be so committed, now 13 days in (OK, I’ll admit to backsliding with a glass of wine, but three weeks is a long time!). It hasn’t been easy, but I feel great – not sick, like a girl with cancer. 

Beginning radiation makes me feel like a cancer patient again, and I don’t like it. Returning to work at the same time will be a nice distraction, and a step closer to “normal”, however I’m returning a different person. Cancer Trish has no filter, and a lower threshold for wasting time. We’ve all sat in those meetings where you have to bite the inside of your cheek to stay awake… Cancer Trish doesn’t want to sit in those meetings, and she wants to say so. Her lack of filter may not be appropriate in the corporate setting. Oh, and she’ll have to be appropriate. She doesn’t want to talk about her cancer – unless of course she does.

To prepare, I’ve been spending a lot of time out of the house, having lunches with friends, getting a manicure, and trying to mentally and physically ready myself for public consumption. I returned to my hair salon, excited to be there to do something to MY hair, instead of my wig. My hair has been coming back in ( at an alarming rate everywhere but on my head), and I have a full head of soft baby hair. Unfortunately, it’s also very grey. My niece recently told me, “You look like Pa with that hair” – not good. My dad is a handsome man, NOT a handsome woman. I decided to dye it platinum blonde.

Either way, I don’t look like a 63 year old man, and that makes me feel good.